User Profile

I am a 42yr old gay man. I am a typical Bear, not the most athletic, got the requisite facial hair and fur, have more holes in my body than when I was born, and more ink on my body than a newspaper. I'm a Bear who is seeking to learn and to grow, hence the name changing_bear. At the suggestion of Bear Eagle, I am starting this journal to keep track of where I'm going, where I've been, how I've changed and what I've learned. This journal is my journey to look inside myself and learn from others who have taken or are taking this journey. Today is October 13, about a month ago, I was on the edge looking in (maybe not the right word, but it was the first that comes to mind and I've just decided that once it is on paper (so to speak) it needs to stay). Anyway, I'm looking in at the communities, the Bear community of which I am very familiar with and actively participate in, and the leather community where I have always had a strong interest in but shy'ed away from because I was scared of it, put off by those that faked it, wanting it but not knowing how to ask, but mostly didn't understand it.

Today I am a boy in waiting - oh does that sound so "maid of honor at a wedding" or what? Again, it's down here, it's not being deleted. What I mean is that to embrace the community and culture of Leathermen be them Bears or not, I have to make the journey to understand it and learn from those who are teachers of it. To make this journey I needed to know what I was on the journey for, what I was seeking and what I hoped to gain from it. While I may have been thought of as a Daddy, even been called a Master by one, those titles are misconceptions, ideas while having fun, but as I have come to understand, at best it's just a label, at worst it could be dangerous.

So back to the boy in waiting thing...I'm entering into the leather community as a "boy", if you don't know what that is, I'm not going to explain it here, but in reading, over time, you'll come to know what that is. I'm in waiting because I requested of One to be trained and he has granted my request and has accepted me to be his boy. The formality of that acceptance has not yet happened, but when it does he will become my Daddy. Today I refer to him as Daddy, but once my training begins, He will be Daddy, and the journal you read will be maintained by this boy.

Enough of this already. This journey would not have been possible without the insight, mentoring, and love of Bear Eagle who through his own journey and a willingness to guide me, has shown me more than I could ever imagine. Thank you.

Bear Eagle introduced me to Sirs Scott and Iain and I am thankful to Sir Scott for his guidance and willingness to answer my questions. He too continues his journey and I am grateful to him for the sharing he has given so far.
Finally I am thankful to he who will become my Daddy, for without Him this journey might not be possible.

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